Psychotherapy and Counselling

One to One

This is a deep one to one approach where the work is likely to be longer term and is more likely to involve examining old patterns and past experiences. To do this type of work requires looking at the whole picture. Where there is pain and anxiety that cannot be reasoned away, we need to heal from our past wounds indirectly. And “healing” comes from becoming “whole” again. Having a guide by our side while we attend to ourselves can be invaluable in our process of self-mastery.

Couples Therapy

Is there enough fun and joy in your relationship? And does it matter?

Researchers into marriages have come up with a ratio (Gottman: The 7 Principles for making marriage work). Gottman believes If your happy times are not at least 5 times more frequent than the unhappy times, you’re heading for a break up. We can take the precise figure of 5 with a pinch of salt! But you get the sentiment.

I believe that relationships have a life of their own; they’re an entity separate from the two individuals. By treating the relationship as the third person in the room (that has needs, aspirations and anxieties), we can move away from individual blame- thus minimising cross fire.

The relationship can suffer from many different challenges. Understanding the real and underlying cause – as opposed to what is apparent- is key. Causes may include communication styles (different forms of toxicity), differing “love languages,” unreasonable or unattainable expectations, traumas from past relationships.

I sometimes need to tell couples that their past relationship is over and no longer fit for purpose. But they can create and build a new relationship; one that better serves their respective places in life. Occasionally, there is nothing left to build on and it may be the end of the road for the romantic relationship- but maybe not the friendship.  In such cases, therapy can be helpful in finding healthy ways of “uncoupling.” This is especially important when children are involved or when the friendship remains precious.